Rise of the Tomb Raider - Xbox One Exclusive


As I sat there on my golden throne, surrounded by all my girlfriends that I definitely do sex on all the time, a jewel encrusted scroll drifted down from the heavens labelled as “From dad”. I gradually unravelled and lo, and behold….Xbox is being a twat again.

Square Enix logo
So according to Mashables ( http://mashable.com/2014/08/12/rise-of-the-tomb-raider-xbox-one/ ) Square Enix, the Japanese games company responsible for publishing many classics such as Tomb Raider, Final Fantasy and …quite a few Call of Duty games (Eurgh), has decided to make their next Tomb Raider game (Rise of the Tomb Raider) An Xbone exclusive. It's to be released in 2015 and…well that's all I know about it so far anyway.

Money well spent 
(Final Fantasy XIII-2 screenshot)
I've never been a big fan of Square Enix, I find them rather pretentious. They spend millions of dollars on fancy graphics engines and hair physics, promise to release about 20 games at once, and make us wait a few years before they even release one, and when they do it's just….sub-par in my opinion. Their main IP, Final Fantasy, is on its …14th game now? I've lost count, only got 10 fingers. Sure they look great, but the storyline is just…Atrocious, I can't make sense of it without googling something every two minutes. Then, of course, you've got the Tomb Raider series. If you've played the recent one (Simply called “Tomb Raider”) and compare it to the older ones, you've probably realised that they've turned a fairly well adjusted, strong female character into…a heavy breathing, whiny, annoying, wooden plank. Her character is about as lively as my pillow that I practice kissing on. Anyway, enough of that, let's get back to the matter at hand.

Microsoft getting the rights to Tomb Raider just goes to prove how worried they are getting about how well the PS4 is doing compared to the Xbox. They know that Tomb Raider is still a fairly well-loved franchise (despite it kinda sucking recently) and desperately hope that people would buy an Xbox, for the ability to play new Tomb Raider games.

 I seriously don’t understand Square Enix’ thought process. As far as I know, they were doing quite well this year…So why do they need to sell their dignity? Sure they may have been releasing some crap, but they were still seemed quite well off (Well off enough to pay millions for… Final Fantasy’s emo physics…or something) It just didn’t seem like it was entirely necessary on Square Enix’ part. I understand Microsoft, as they’re desperate to give people a reason to buy their console, outside of offering a blowjob to each customer.

(As I was writing this, it came to my attention that is it in fact a “timed exclusive”. Meaning it’s coming out for Xbox, and the PC and PS4 later on. My point still stands though…)

You Might Also Like